Forgiving Hard Memories

This weekend I was going through some old genealogy files from a long time ago (I refuse to say how long ago...) I was reading through some of my early research papers and happend upon the beginning-z of my life story (sigh...zzzzzz) but I also found 

an old poem I had written to my self.  

A little background.  

I had just joined the church and realized that I wanted to do my own genealogy research, but in my heart I had some strong feelings against my own Dad. I was tired of being/feeling MAD, ANGRY, HURT, DISGUSTED, UNWANTED, REJECTED, 
oh I could go on....
but wanted to put all that behind me. 
I had heard the best way to get rid of bad feelings was to 
write them down.  

So I did.  

Writing this poem was pretty emotional for me....... 

so please be kind when you read it.

Forgiving Hard Memories 

by Bobbi Twining 1975

I forgive you for leaving and going away,
For love un-shown ----day by day,
5 girls you left with nothing said,
Our lives you left with hearts that bled,

No food, no clothes, no smiles, or hugs

No strong arm protection from young male thugs

I forgive you for your letterless life 

Your lifeless brain and other wife,

I forgive you, for what you have done,
I forgive the fact, I saw you run 

I forgive the fact you do not care,
My life you forgot and did not share.

Was it because you yearned for a son

you ran away for selfish freedom? 

I'll still forgive, no matter what,

For this life of mine- you left to rot

What did we do to make this our fate

Young innocence lives can't be replaced

I forgive you for years of feeling neglected

A title of "Father" you easily rejected.


Forgiven for the pain you cost

Forgive ME for feeling so lost,
I forgive you for what I know you CAN'T do
Forgive me now for loving you!


Side note, I did forgive him, found him, and finally met my dad just shortly after I wrote this poem.  We had several years together as a loving father and daughter.  He was even a grandfather to my firstborn.  But, eventually he ran away again.... we exchanged a couple letter but we never connected again until his death bed.


I am not sure I will ever understand, but some things we are not expected to understand.  We are expected to forgive.
I love you Daddy- rest in peace!